A personal story on perfectionism

Perfectionism, the urge of not making mistakes, exceeding expectations, and "having it all together" all the time. Perfectionism is often rooted in low self-worth which can lead to fear of rejection, people-pleasing and seeking external validation.

The urge of being "good", maybe even "the best", "liked" and "appreciated" to a degree that drains so much energy that it can result in burn-out.

That's what happened to me, and I know that I am not alone with that.

𝘏𝘢𝘷𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘨𝘩𝘵𝘴 𝘴𝘶𝘤𝘩 𝘢𝘴:

When I have this next achievement, they'll finally listen, see me with different eyes, respect me.

When I do this better than the rest (school, work, household, etc.) they'll see that I am good enough, they'll think highly of me, and then finally I CAN THINK HIGHLY OF ME BECAUSE THEY DO.

𝘗𝘦𝘳𝘧𝘦𝘤𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯𝘪𝘴𝘮 𝘪𝘴 𝘢 𝘴𝘪𝘨𝘯 𝘰𝘧 𝘭𝘪𝘷𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘧𝘳𝘰𝘮 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘰𝘶𝘵𝘴𝘪𝘥𝘦 𝘪𝘯, 𝘳𝘢𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘪𝘯𝘴𝘪𝘥𝘦 𝘰𝘶𝘵, 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘮𝘦𝘢𝘯𝘴:

External feedback is more important than internal feedback because on the inside there is no acceptance and love for oneself.

Other peoples values are more important than one's own values

Feeling good about oneself must be "earned" and depends on achievements, positive feedback, social status, etc.

When there is no acceptance and love for oneself, we start to create idealized self-images and try hard that others see us in this light, such as:

"I am successful",

"I am always nice and friendly",

"I am tough and always strong", etc.

This idealized self-image is the result of not really knowing who we are, not really accepting who we are, and not being aware of our worth, which always lies inside and never is dependent on anything external.

With this idealized self-image, we can now become perfectionists and try to prove to others that we are "successful", "always nice", "always strong", etc.

And when we get this positive feedback, we can finally feel good about ourselves...

BUT, what when there is no "positive feedback" when there is no external validation, compliment, achievement?

Then there is a high frustration, negative self-talk, maybe even self-harming behavior, because: "I am just never good enough"...

𝘈𝘭𝘴𝘰, 𝘱𝘦𝘳𝘧𝘦𝘤𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯𝘪𝘴𝘮 𝘪𝘴 𝘢 𝘩𝘶𝘨𝘦 𝘱𝘳𝘰𝘤𝘳𝘢𝘴𝘵𝘪𝘯𝘢𝘵𝘰𝘳

The fear of not doing something perfectly, or at least good enough, can lead to not even getting started.

Fear of rejection can be so strong, that dreams are not lived, experiences not made, and the true and authentic self remains hidden.

I'LL TELL YOU WHAT THE REAL ROOT OF PERFECTIONISM IS:

The real root of perfectionism is 𝗹𝗼𝘃𝗲

wanting to be 𝗹𝗼𝘃𝗲𝗱,

wanting to feel 𝗹𝗼𝘃𝗲,

because there is no 𝗦𝗘𝗟𝗙-𝗟𝗢𝗩𝗘!

Once I understood all that I was able to stop this habit, starting to live from the INSIDE OUT, rather than the OUTSIDE IN, working on my limiting beliefs, starting to understand and getting to know myself which could lead to self-love.

Step by Step, baby steps, sometimes 3 steps forward and 4 backward, but that's okay.

𝘘𝘶𝘦𝘴𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯𝘴 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘤𝘢𝘯 𝘢𝘴𝘬 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳𝘴𝘦𝘭𝘧 𝘸𝘩𝘦𝘯 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘢 𝘱𝘦𝘳𝘧𝘦𝘤𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯𝘪𝘴t

1. What is my belief that leads to perfectionism?

2. In which situations do I seek to be perfect, in which I don't?

3. What will my life look like, when I continue to be a perfectionist for the rest of my life? How will I feel?

4. How will my life look like, when I stop being a perfectionist? How will I feel?

𝘈𝘧𝘧𝘪𝘳𝘮𝘢𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯𝘴

1. I don’t have to be perfect for people to like/accept/love me

2. My worth isn’t based on my achievement

3. I choose to enjoy the process, not just focus on the outcome

4. Asking for help reflects strength and courage

5. I’m imperfect and I’m still enough

6. I accept myself just as I am

7. I accept others just as they are

8. It’s okay to say no and set boundaries

9. Relationships need authentic connection, not perfection

10. My health is more important than my performance/accomplishments

𝘈𝘳𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘢 𝘱𝘦𝘳𝘧𝘦𝘤𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯𝘪𝘴𝘵?

If you are, do you feel it holds you back from something?

Maybe you feel your perfectionism helps you in some way?

Let me know in the comments